Let’s start out by saying…why hasn’t anyone shared this stage of life? This weird in-between. My kids are no longer littles. No more wiping butts. No more getting snacks. No more giving baths. Yet. We are not in the teen years. We are upper elementary age kids. And honestly, it’s strange. I find myself worring … More Savoring and smelling the tween years (the weird in-between)
Separated at 32. Divorced at 33. Dating at 34. Not really how I imagined my life going. Toss in single motherhood, trauma, PTSD, and overwhelming grief. I stood staring ahead at my new life wondering how I got here and where I am going to go. In the beginning, I was optimistic. Reading others stories … More Loving after divorce
“Katie, I don’t hear joy in anything you just listed.” I sat there looking at my doctor. Stunned. I had been talking about the extreme fatigue I had been experiencing lately. Between that and some weight gain, I worried it was my thyroid. I was listing off all the things I try to do in … More Depression sucks the joy out of my life
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office in the early days of my separation. She stated it takes half the length of the relationship to be over it. Okay. Not her exact words, but I can’t remember. Yet I will never forget. I held on it those words. A sort of prayer. A sort of … More What I wish I knew about divorce
It was my wedding anniversary the other day. Well you know. What would have been my anniversary. The past few years I dreaded the upcoming day. For it reminded me of what I no longer had. I would mourn the vows spoken, the love gone, and the couple that celebrated a union. Gritting my teeth, … More Creating space for emotions of divorce
Hey God, It’s me, Katie. Are You listening? Can You hear me? Because sometimes it feels like You aren’t. Or maybe I am not talking loud enough. Or am I not doing it right? The prayer thing. The believing thing. Cause here is the thing. I do. Believe. Working on the trust. But I love … More Hey God, it’s me. Are You listening?
Think of depression as a really big room. Basketball court size. And all around the outside walls are doors. Dozens and dozens of doors. I am standing in the middle of the room with the doors open wide. Light streaming in. Heat from the sun warming the space. Colors highlighting the walls and floor. Happy … More The doors of depression
Healing is… Messy. Ugly. Embarrassing. Because one must break and let all of what is rotting inside out. Crying on the closet floor. Saying words that are coated with bitterness and resentment. Voicing the deepest, darkest thoughts, that are buried so far down light never hits, out loud. Bringing out the worst in a person. … More Healing is…
I get asked about how I got through. Those early days, weeks, months, and now years. I usually chuckle and shake my head. Because, I have no idea. Really. Honest truth. I look back and I am amazed I got through those first two years. When I say I have changed, how could I not … More How I got through those early years of divorce
“I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive her.” I said these words to my mom in a video message. I couldn’t say it to her on the phone but I had to get them off my chest. Knowing my heart is still bleeding and carrying heavy burdens from the past four … More If forgiveness never comes
Lovely in the Dark 