I forgive you. These words came out of my mouth suddenly. Unexpectedly. Unintended. In the midst of crying and pain, I said these three simple words. Simple but powerful words. The churning and clenching in my stomach stopped. The shaking subsided. Calmness overcame me. I said them again. Louder. Clearer. Steadier. I meant it. Years … More I forgave him and I will do it again and again
I am a believer. I always have been. My relationship with God and Jesus has grown and deepened in the past few years. The early days of my separation, I threw myself into the word. Praying. Worship. Fellowship. I handed over my hurts, my fears, my struggles, my heart. I said take it. Keep it … More Waiting for the next time
We live in a society where it is only acceptable to show happiness, joy, thankfulness, and gratefulness. We are constantly showing our best pictures and happiest moments to each other. We are awarded positive comments and feedback when we are #blessed and #thankful. We are uncomfortable with sorrow, pain, struggle, grief, hurt, loneliness, darkness, anger, … More When gratefulness isn’t good
I thought I was doing a really good job of letting go of my perfectionism. But it a part of me that keeps popping up over and over again. I am much better about striving for perfect. Giving up control. Giving it to God. All those fun little sayings. Here is the thing about me. … More How do I stop trying to be good and just be me?
The darkness makes me believe that it will never get better. Every time. When the darkness lasts for a day, a week, a month, a year. I am tricked into believing and accepting this is permanent. Winter is never going to end. The cold never changing. The days will be gloomy, gray, and long forever. … More Spring will always arrive as does the light
The pressure has been building. Slowly. Slipping in. The reality of my life. Divorce. Single mom. Sole responsibility. Winter. Depression. I guess I thought it would be easier now. Two years in. The pain more a dull throb than a hot intense burn. The hard doesn’t reflect how it was in the beginning. But it … More A pleading prayer from my weary heart
Instant gratification is something most people my age and older like to place on younger generations. The millennials and younger. The children we are raising now. Because they have always had technology at their finger tips. Choices upon choices of toys, shows, events to keep them occupied and content. Moments of deep concern in my … More The emptiness of instant gratification
I wrote this last December. Right around the one year mark. Looking back on this year, I have done a pretty good job of staying true to these resolutions. And staying true to myself. Divorce is the death of someone who is still living. And in the past 365 days, I have grieved, cried, mourned, … More My second year resolutions: living after divorce
Pride. A word that has many meanings. A feeling or deep pleasure derived from one’s own achievements. The consciousness of one’s own dignity. The quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance. The last sentence. The last sentence is true for me. I held myself up to a higher standard. I … More Swallowing My Pride
Why me? Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? Cause I had to do something wrong for this struggle to be happening to me. Right? Up until 21 months ago, I didn’t understand suffering. Why bad things happened in this world. Why people are subject to hurt, illness, pain, suffering, hardships. … More Why Me?