Mama. The whispered voice is heard coming from my open bedroom door. My seven year old walks over to me, sweating and pale. Mama. I just threw up. I push the warm covers off and sit up, wrapping my arms around him. I get him cleaned up and settled back into my bed. I am … More The loneliness of single motherhood
I forgive you. These words came out of my mouth suddenly. Unexpectedly. Unintended. In the midst of crying and pain, I said these three simple words. Simple but powerful words. The churning and clenching in my stomach stopped. The shaking subsided. Calmness overcame me. I said them again. Louder. Clearer. Steadier. I meant it. Years … More I forgave him and I will do it again and again
I have always been scared. Scared of the unknown. Getting hurt. Living alone. Being left. Not having enough money. Not being liked or pretty enough or smart enough or sexy enough. Making mistakes. Enduring physical assault. Feeling pain. I lived a very long time allowing my fears to live for me. When my marriage was … More Today, these are my fears
Usually when I sit down to write a blog post, I know exactly what I want to say. The words have been forming inside of my head for days. Begging to be let out. Keeping me up at night, until I can finally release them on to paper. Lately, the words are stagnant. And if … More Wait in the middle
I am a believer. I always have been. My relationship with God and Jesus has grown and deepened in the past few years. The early days of my separation, I threw myself into the word. Praying. Worship. Fellowship. I handed over my hurts, my fears, my struggles, my heart. I said take it. Keep it … More Waiting for the next time
We live in a society where it is only acceptable to show happiness, joy, thankfulness, and gratefulness. We are constantly showing our best pictures and happiest moments to each other. We are awarded positive comments and feedback when we are #blessed and #thankful. We are uncomfortable with sorrow, pain, struggle, grief, hurt, loneliness, darkness, anger, … More When gratefulness isn’t good
I know I have said it again and again. I have changed in the last two and half years. Radically. Evolving still. Into someone I never knew I could be. I was stripped of everything I once was. Rising from the ashes. There are times I think back and I am flabbergasted of myself. A … More Pride and Prejudice
****This is a personal account. Please seek the advice from a professional or your doctor before starting, ending, or switching medications. Not all medications work the same for everyone. Talk to your doctor to find the right one for you**** Okay. Let’s talk about my new medication. I switched from paroxetine (SSRI) and now … More My new antidepressant doesn’t cure my depression
My loveliest Katie, I read somewhere that I should write a love letter to myself. This letter contains all the words and expressions of love that my heart desperately longs to hear from a man, a boyfriend, a partner, a husband, or whoever. Words that I have never received. Sounds silly. I brushed it off, … More A love letter
Well dang. That happened quickly. 35. Yesterday, I was 32 and facing a divorce. Last week, I was 28 preparing for the birth of my first son. Last month, I was 25 planning my wedding. Last year, I was 21 living my best college life. I remember facing my 30th birthday with horror. I didn’t … More Here I am at 35
