I forgive you. These words came out of my mouth suddenly. Unexpectedly. Unintended. In the midst of crying and pain, I said these three simple words. Simple but powerful words. The churning and clenching in my stomach stopped. The shaking subsided. Calmness overcame me. I said them again. Louder. Clearer. Steadier. I meant it. Years … More I forgave him and I will do it again and again
Usually when I sit down to write a blog post, I know exactly what I want to say. The words have been forming inside of my head for days. Begging to be let out. Keeping me up at night, until I can finally release them on to paper. Lately, the words are stagnant. And if … More Wait in the middle
I am a believer. I always have been. My relationship with God and Jesus has grown and deepened in the past few years. The early days of my separation, I threw myself into the word. Praying. Worship. Fellowship. I handed over my hurts, my fears, my struggles, my heart. I said take it. Keep it … More Waiting for the next time
I know I have said it again and again. I have changed in the last two and half years. Radically. Evolving still. Into someone I never knew I could be. I was stripped of everything I once was. Rising from the ashes. There are times I think back and I am flabbergasted of myself. A … More Pride and Prejudice
I thought I was doing a really good job of letting go of my perfectionism. But it a part of me that keeps popping up over and over again. I am much better about striving for perfect. Giving up control. Giving it to God. All those fun little sayings. Here is the thing about me. … More How do I stop trying to be good and just be me?
We are changed people. I know this. I acknowledge this. Yet, sometimes my heart remembers a time where we weren’t. We were the two young adults madly in love with each other. We were giddy about our relationship, our future, our life together. In my decade with him, I never lost those butterflies whenever I … More We are changed people
The other night in a conversation with a friend, she mentioned a time pre-cancer for her. I said, oh before I knew you. You wouldn’t have been friends with me pre-divorce. She laughed. No, I am serious and it would have been because of me. She chuckles but I was being honest. My friend only … More Believe me when I say I have changed
Blooming. That is my 2018 word. Now what? What does that mean to me? How will I do this? How do I bloom? When I think of something blooming, I imagine sunlight, warmth, joy, happiness, color, smiles. Honestly, that sounds pretty easy. A little sun, water, and soil. Viola. A blooming flower. But for how … More Am I brave enough to bloom?
I wrote this last December. Right around the one year mark. Looking back on this year, I have done a pretty good job of staying true to these resolutions. And staying true to myself. Divorce is the death of someone who is still living. And in the past 365 days, I have grieved, cried, mourned, … More My second year resolutions: living after divorce
Pride. A word that has many meanings. A feeling or deep pleasure derived from one’s own achievements. The consciousness of one’s own dignity. The quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance. The last sentence. The last sentence is true for me. I held myself up to a higher standard. I … More Swallowing My Pride