Separated at 32. Divorced at 33. Dating at 34. Not really how I imagined my life going. Toss in single motherhood, trauma, PTSD, and overwhelming grief. I stood staring ahead at my new life wondering how I got here and where I am going to go. In the beginning, I was optimistic. Reading others stories … More Loving after divorce
Note: Lately, I have been experiencing conflicting emotions. Divorce makes me question so much of my former marriage and husband. Reality of what was gets clouded and confused in grief and insecurities. A friend gave me some clarity today. Reminding me, I do not regret loving him. I am just weeks away from my … More I do not regret loving him
I don’t love motherhood. Not every day. Not every hour. Not every minute. It takes so much out of me. Demands all of me. It is exhausting. It is overwhelming. It is all consuming. I don’t love the endless laundry and cleaning. But I do love teaching my sons how to be responsible and contribute … More I don’t love motherhood
I downloaded the album of O.A.R’s Live on Red Rock’s and after one of the songs, the lead singer, Marc Roberge, says a few words of appreciation. “I am going try to put words together here, but the most basic and the most simple thing I could possibly say is thank you, thank you, thank … More When I say thank you
Well dang. That happened quickly. 35. Yesterday, I was 32 and facing a divorce. Last week, I was 28 preparing for the birth of my first son. Last month, I was 25 planning my wedding. Last year, I was 21 living my best college life. I remember facing my 30th birthday with horror. I didn’t … More Here I am at 35
I knew motherhood was going to be hard. I read about it. I heard about it. I saw it. All around me. I prepared myself as best as possible and then I was going to just learn as I go. Today, I am still winging it. More now than in the past six years. I … More Loving my strong willed child
The other night in a conversation with a friend, she mentioned a time pre-cancer for her. I said, oh before I knew you. You wouldn’t have been friends with me pre-divorce. She laughed. No, I am serious and it would have been because of me. She chuckles but I was being honest. My friend only … More Believe me when I say I have changed
Instant gratification is something most people my age and older like to place on younger generations. The millennials and younger. The children we are raising now. Because they have always had technology at their finger tips. Choices upon choices of toys, shows, events to keep them occupied and content. Moments of deep concern in my … More The emptiness of instant gratification
Blooming. That is my 2018 word. Now what? What does that mean to me? How will I do this? How do I bloom? When I think of something blooming, I imagine sunlight, warmth, joy, happiness, color, smiles. Honestly, that sounds pretty easy. A little sun, water, and soil. Viola. A blooming flower. But for how … More Am I brave enough to bloom?
My first time was in college. I was embarrassed and ashamed for needing to do this, so I didn’t let anyone know. Soon I stopped. It was more hassle than help. I tried again 10 years later. I was stuck in a job I hated, lived in a state where I knew no one, and … More Therapy is not a shameful word
Lovely in the Dark 