My loveliest Katie,
I read somewhere that I should write a love letter to myself. This letter contains all the words and expressions of love that my heart desperately longs to hear from a man, a boyfriend, a partner, a husband, or whoever. Words that I have never received. Sounds silly. I brushed it off, yet, here I am. Writing you a letter.
I love you. I love everything about you. Your smile, the color of your eyes, your loud voice. I love that you are left handed, can put your chap-stick on one handed, and cannot pronounce the words breakfast and vodka correctly. I love your smart ass mouth with an equally dirty mind. I love how your heart has changed over the past two years. Softened. Grew. Shattered. Now it is full of life, compassion, and kindness. However, you wonder if you aren’t doing enough. For yourself. For your sons. For others. I love that you are still healing. With the healing, growing. Moving forward.
I love all the things about you that drive me nuts. I know you are not perfect. I see your faults. I still love you. I love watching you humble yourself before others, learning from your mistakes and mess ups, and extending an apology when it is deserved. These things add up to you. And I love you.
I love seeing you be a mother. Loving, caring, nurturing your sons into men. I love seeing you view the world through the eyes of your children. The joy. The excitement. I see you bearing the pain and suffering so they don’t have to. I see you struggling with the weight of single motherhood and divorce so they will have a childhood full of love, laughter, and light. I see you opening your heart up to a motherhood journey you never imagined. All for your children.
I love how you love God and His son Jesus. You wake every morning with a thank you on your lips. Your relationship with Him is deepening. Your faith is strengthening. The light He has given you shines brightly for others to see. I want to know Him like you do. I want to do this together.
I will never leave you. When the going gets tough, I will stand by your side. I will never falter. I will never hesitate. I will never second guess. I am yours. Forever. I will hold you when the darkness returns. I will wipe away the tears when the pain overwhelms. I will carry you when you cannot move forward. I am not going anywhere. You are the one I want to do this life with. You are the one I want to do hard with. Because I know you will do all of the same for me.
I will fight for you. I will fight for you and me. I will do whatever it takes for us to be together. I will muddle through the uncomfortable. I will break down the walls that come between us. I will battle the world if I have to. I will do this because I can’t imagine doing life without you. You are worth it. My life is better with you in it. Next to me. Loving life with me.
I will support you and your words. Because I see how important and passionate you are about blogging and sharing your story. And I get to be a part of it. I love seeing you in this element. It brings out a different you to the world. I get to see it all. Not just one element most see but all of it. I see that you care. Care for other sufferers. Care for the people that take the time to read your story. Care for those that share a piece of their story. I love this side of you.
I know these are just words. You have heard a few of them before and they failed you. Greatly. Causing you so much pain. But I am going to say them. Over and over again. I won’t stop. And I am going to show you. Over and over again. I am going to show up everyday loving you. You will never wonder if I am telling the truth because my actions will prove it to you.
I know there are days were all of this just seems impossible. We are barely surviving. We are mad, angry, annoyed, stressed, depressed, anxious, and so damn tired. Between kids, jobs, bills, responsibility, outside pressure, divorce, co-parenting, and disease, we sometimes forget each other. But at the end of the day, I am with you. And you are with me. That is why I will wake up tomorrow and be more, do more, love more.
Our story is just beginning. I know you have waited a long time for this kind of love. I have too. I am so damn grateful that God led me to you. I am a better person, a better parent, a better friend, a better everything because of you. And I know you feel the same way. Because you show me everyday the same thing.
My love. My light. My heart. My soul. My lovely.
I love you.
Always and forever,