Lovely in the Dark

I have been getting a few questions about what do I do for Katie. What is my self-care? What am I going to do for Katie today? What is the next adventure for Katie? When I am down or struggling with letting my boys go off and live their life without me, I am reminded to take time for me.

Self-care looks differently for everyone. For me, it is a whole lot of different things added up. Okay, let’s rewind. Up until 2.5 years ago, I believed self-care was a day at the spa, pampering oneself with lunch out, and maybe a new outfit. I thought it was something a person did every once in awhile to recharge. When faced with my divorce and rediscovering myself, I found out that my self-care is more than that.

It is saying yes. Yes to coming over for chats and beers on a Wednesday night. Yes to a lunch play date at Chick-fil-a. Yes to the really cute pair of heels I don’t need but I want in my closet. Yes to my regular hair and wax appointments. Yes to the expensive hair products and makeup. Yes to another cartoon because I am too damn tired to do anything else. Yes to letting the dishes sit in the sink overnight and heading straight to bed. Yes to binge watching Netflix on my kid free Sunday without any guilt. Yes to acting on my impulses. Even if they turn out to be a mistake. Yes to spending money on myself. Yes to for the first time in my life putting myself first.

It is saying no. And meaning it. No I can’t tonight. I just need to be alone. No I don’t want to pretend anymore that I am okay with everything. No I can’t help you right now because I barely can help myself. No I am not comfortable with XYZ so I am not involving myself or I will create boundaries.

It is letting go of guilt. Accepting I am human and I am doing my best guilt. Mom guilt. House cleaning guilt. Perfect body image guilt. Can’t please everyone guilt. Standing up for myself guilt. Believing I am worthy guilt.

It is including fun. Exploring what is fun for me. Concerts. Bar hopping. Reading a romance novel. Throwing myself a birthday party. Turning the music up loud while cleaning the toilets. Blogging. Meeting new people. Eating my way through Omaha. Festivals. Parades. Making myself go outside my comfort zone to try something new.

It is making my health a priority. Mental and physical. Taking my medications everyday. Monthly therapy sessions. Going for walks. Crying in the bathroom at work. Trusting the doctors that care for me. Saying I am not okay today. So I am kinder to myself than I was yesterday.

It is loving myself. Treating myself the way I treat others. Admitting mistakes and owning them. Recognizing I am worthy. Of everything this world has to offer. Of God’s love and forgiveness. It is standing up for myself and what I believe in. Knowing what I have to say is important and I will not be silenced anymore.

I realize self-care is a daily requirement for me. It is little things that add up. I use to always put others before me. My former husband. My children. My marriage. I had to hit the bottom of the barrel to realize by doing that I was only hurting myself and those around me. I was worn out. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. In not good way. I am still tired but it is different. Because I finally know I am worthy of self-care and self love.

What does your self-care look like?