Lovely in the Dark

Waiting.

Waiting for the pain to pass.

Waiting for the week to be over.

Waiting for my child to sleep through the night.

Waiting for the next paycheck.

Waiting for school to start.

Waiting for the phone to ring.

Waiting for my children to be older and more independent.

Waiting to fall in love, get married, and have babies.

Waiting to graduate high school and move away.

Waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Waiting for the holidays to come.

Waiting to feel better.

Waiting for the process to be over.

Waiting for something.

Waiting for everything.

Always waiting. For life to happen. There have been moments where all I could see was what I have been waiting for. Lately, I am tired of waiting. Exhausted from being patient. It’s difficult to wait. For waiting feels empty. For waiting feels overwhelming. For waiting forces me to live in the present. And the present is painful. The present is lonely. The present is heartbreaking.

Society tells not to wait. Don’t wait for this Huge Sale! Don’t wait, hurry in! It won’t last so don’t wait. We live in an instant gratification world. Everything is at our finger tips. No longer must we wait because hello, Amazon Prime. We are told to find something that does work rather than wait and work on what is. In careers, products, relationships, marriages. No one wants to wait and see.

I am in a waiting period. I am waiting for something or someone. It is pulling at me in two different ways. Literally, if I have to wait another day for something good to happen to me, I will break. The waiting is sucking the soul out of me. Then, I have today. Where I am perfectly content to waiting on God’s timing. Today, I am soaking in my surroundings and appreciating them. Then I am told don’t be content. Contentment produces stagnant behavior. Never settle. Never stop seeking. Never wait.

Yet, I have to teach my children to be patient and wait. I have to show them the process and reward of waiting. Because the waiting period is what builds character. Increases strength. Enforces values. Improves courage. Only if you allow it. Allow the waiting to change you. It is me. If I got what I wanted right now, I don’t know if I would appreciate it. Waiting makes me see. Makes me appreciate. Makes me treasure.

Society keeps pushing back on me. It whispers in my ear. Stop waiting. The whole world is at my finger tips waiting to please me. Don’t wait. For waiting never brings happiness. And I would have listened. I would have filled my life with instant pleasures, only to walk away feeling even more empty.

Yes, I have cried in frustration. I have questioned what God is doing. Why is He making me wait? I am trying to rush the process. Shorten the length of the waiting period. I even try to fill up time with constant activity and moments. To dull the ache of waiting. Moments that give me amazing perspective and joy. The light bulb effect of what life is all about. Other times, the frantic need to cover up the harsh reality of the present leaves me feeling more dull and empty. Therefore, making the waiting even harder to bear.

I have to trust the process. Meaning, I have to trust God. God and His timing. For trusting in Him is having hope for the future. Finding joy in today. Being patient in the wait. For that doesn’t mean I have to just wait. It means knowing that the wait is preparing me for the result. The reward.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” Psalm 37:7

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ” Romans 8:24-25

However, I am trying not to focus solely on the wait. For when I do that, I lose sight of what is right in front of me. Right inside of me. It is a thin line to balance on. Embracing the wait and living in the moment. So I pray. I open my heart and ears to hear God and His whispers. I work on remembering today is now. Tomorrow is then. I continually believe in God and His son Jesus. I take His words and make them into actions.

“I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. ” C.S. Lewis

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Lamentations 3:25-26