Lovely in the Dark

I remember flipping through my issues of Glamour and seeing articles about how the 30s are the best years of a woman’s life. Me in my mid-twenties was like, how can anything beat this decade. College. Legally drink. Getting married. Having babies. No way is 30 better than 20.

Today, I can agree with this. Not that my years in my 30s so far have been very kind to me. But, I finally understand why articles have stated this.

I have finally embraced who I am

In my twenties, I was so busy just trying to be popular and well liked. I followed all the trends, movements, and crowds. I dipped my toes in different types of friends and work environments. When I became a mother in my late 20s, I was juggling who I was as a mom and wife. I was always just trying to fit in. I was so insecure in who I was. I was insecure in my marriage, myself, my view on God.

At 34, I understand who I am and what I stand for. I know what I am looking for in friends and groups. I don’t need to hop around finding where I belong because I found where I belong. I am slowly gathering my tribe around me. I realize not everyone is going to like me and I am not going to like everyone. And that is okay. I am more secure in my relationships with my friends and family then I have ever been. My twenties was all about quantity. My thirties are all about quality. In friends, shoes, make up, clothes, and dates.

I know how to set boundaries

I acknowledge that my past decade I let people use me and walk all over me. I wanted to be well liked and well loved. The end of my marriage showed me that I needed to get a back bone and quickly. Because I am the only one who is going to stick up for me and my boys. I have to be the advocate for them. And it all begins with me. I can say no without guilt. I have the courage to fight for what is important to me. I can be firm and insistent. And if I fall down or make a mistake, I know how to pick myself up and keep moving forward.

By being able to do this, I feel a sense of peace and accomplishment.

Wine

All the wine. Why did I not appreciate this beautiful nectar in my 20s? Why did I drink all that crap domestic beer? Now, I can enjoy and love the beauty that is red wine. And it goes so well with so many different pairings. Wine and Cheeze-it crackers. Wine and Goldfish crackers. Wine and fruit snacks. Wine and popcorn. Wine and ice cream. Oooohhh wine ice cream! A bonus to all the wine is the DIY crafts I can do with the corks. Thank you Pinterest!

I also have a love for craft beers. My tastes seem be getting better and better with age.

I am more mature

Naive me thought I was mature in my 20s. Yes, please laugh along with me. I really did. I really thought I knew how hard life was and how much work it took. I thought that I was mature enough to hold my tongue when I needed too and turn the other cheek. Oh how wrong I was!

The beginning of my forth decade has been hard. Filled with hurt, betrayal, struggles, and brokenness. If I had to go through the last two years in my twenties, I would never have handled it the way I did. I know I would not have brought Jesus into my heart. I know I would not have faced the grief head on. I know I would not have been as gentle with myself during the healing.

Good things come with age. This I do agree.

I am still young

I am still young enough to do the things I did in my 20s but with a new view of the world in my 30s. I can still party all night, but I just need to sleep all the next day. I can still road trip for 12 hours, I just have to take more potty breaks. I can still rock it at a concert, only need to wear shorter heels. I can still wear a swimsuit, it is just a one piece. I still feel sexy with my hair done and smokey eyes, I just will wash my face before I go to bed.

I can still fall in love, get married, and have another baby. If that is what God has planned for me. Yet this time, I am a new woman. And it will be with a new man (emphasis on man and not a guy).

I can look fondly back at my twenties. The wonderful memories of college and friendship. Meeting my former husband and falling in love. Exploring new cities and towns. Growing and falling in love with my two sons. Moments that I will cherish forever.

I am excited for the rest of this decade. Because it is all about falling in love with me and my beautiful ordinary life.