Anxiety and social media do not mix well together. There are days that I get sucked into the likes, comments, and virtual word battles. I can feel it inside of me. The shortness of breathe, the head racing, the tightness of my chest. It can make me feel a complete high and a complete low in a matter of minutes. And lately most of my anxiety symptoms are coming on due to my increase of social media usage.
I am active on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and email. Now that I am blogging, I have my personal account and the blogs account. Seven pages to manage. Seven pages to comment, like, and share. Not to mention the four email accounts I have. Plus I am admin to my company’s social media pages and I want to be very active with Her View From Home’s page and writers. They support me and I support them.
I am choosing to blog. I am choosing to share all of myself on the internet. But damn it, there are some days that it sucks me dry. Emotionally and mentally. I see so many stories, pictures, and news. Constantly something is blowing up on my phone. It has to be right next to me because I might miss something important. I can physically feel the pressure building up inside of me. A geyser waiting to blow. Sometimes, I don’t recognize it until I am on the brink of an anxiety attack.
I hate it. I hate social media. I hate how it gets to me mentally. How it makes me feel less of a person. How it takes up all of my time and energy. How it affects my mood. How the constant of looking at a screen has impacted my body. My eyes are getting worse. My fingers cramp up. My neck hurts from looking down. I hate how it consumes me.
I love it. I love social media. I love that I get to share my life with others. I love that I get to share pictures and videos of my sons to far away family and friends. How I get to keep in touch with friends from long ago. How I have the ability to make new friends from all over the world. I love that I get to voice my love for God and Jesus to a wider audience. How social media can lift me up when I am down.
Balance. Yes I know this is achievable to balance social media usage. However, sometimes I wonder if my anxiety screws with my ability to balance it all. That constant state of mind of missing something. The blinking light or vibration of my phone is laughing at me luring me back.
I get up and take a lap around the office. I put my phone in my purse. I go talk to a real live person. When I am home, I do something tangible. Something that I can see accomplished. Clean. Laundry. Cook. Exercise.
Am I the only one that feels this way? That struggles with having social media and a mental illness? Or just struggles. Am I the only one feeling chained to being a part of the ever changing fast paced world of the internet? It scares me. It scares me that I don’t know how to balance this issue, how am I going to teach my children?
Tonight, I am going to unplug. Take my sons swimming. Read an actual book. And start over again tomorrow.