Lovely in the Dark

I have thought about blogging for a while now but I was so hesitant because of the name. A name is important. It is the central theme around everything. This one kept popping up. Over and over again. Scared that it was corny, I never told anyone. Little by little, I did. And then I realized it doesn’t matter if anyone likes it. I do. It is engraved into my heart. It’s mine.

Up until 19 months ago, I believed that by doing and being a good, perfect person, nothing bad would ever happen to me. I rebelled some in high school and I partied in college but deep down, I tried to be so good. Pleasing everyone. The image of what a good suburban wife and mother looked like. Perfect house. Perfect marriage. Perfect social media image woman.

I grew up in a Catholic home. I knew who God and Jesus was. I saw that through hard work and dedication, good things came to you. Yet, I never understood why bad things happened to good people, innocent children, the world. Why does God allow this to happen? What is the purpose of suffering? If He really loves us then why do we, His children, hurt?

Today, I know. Because to truly understand God’s love for us and the sacrifice of allowing His only son to die for us, we must endure hardship. We must dig deep to find the courage to keep going in the suffering. We must bare our souls to our Lord in the pain and hurt. We must become completely vulnerable to receive all of His Glory.

I was blinded from ever seeing the beauty. I fumbled around in the darkness of perfection. I never saw what was right before me. What was right inside of me. In my darkest hour, I rose to see the light. At first a tiny glimmer. And now a full blown sunrise.

I have been given another chance. To see my life in a whole new way. I am kinder, more compassionate. I have rediscovered who I am and what I am made of. I have found the most amazing tribe of women and men who love me. Just for being me. I am a better mother, one who remembers to pause, embrace the mess, and just say oh hell with it. I am stronger and braver. Because I have an army of angels and their leader, God, holding me up.

This is just the start of sharing my lovely. My light. My darkness is only temporary. But my light is permanent.

I am honored and humbled to have you along for the journey. In this, I hope you laugh, cry, feel, cringe, hurt, love, and inspire. I want you to always feel a sense of belonging. A friendship. This is a place where life happens. The good, the bad, the ugly, the messy, the funny, the real, the raw, the vulnerable.

Welcome to my Lovely in the Dark.